It feels like just yesterday I was writing an intro about how I went on an astonishing date… and now, I'k here to say I was dumped. Ha ha ha ha. Is The Everygirl my personal diary at this signal? Possibly.

Navigating a breakup and dealing with the aftermath of how you'll remain friends (if you even will), what you'll do if you encounter each other, how yous handle social media, and more is enough to make united states all stay in sh*tty relationships forever. It'south hard (and honestly way more than effort than whatsoever of us want to put in) to figure out the nitty-gritty details of mail service-breakup life, especially when we're dealing with how the heck we're even going to live without this other person nosotros've probable built our life around and potentially imagined a futurity with. But nosotros tin't stay in this cycle of confusion and stress forever.

Because I also didn't quite know how to tackle this issue (I'm learning correct here with ya, Everygirls), I sought out some expert advice on why we should fix boundaries and how to actually get information technology done. I spoke with Heidi McBain , a mental wellness counselor who focuses on women'southward mental health, all about breakups — hither was her biggest communication:

Give yourself time and inquire for help

We all know that you demand a little time to heal afterward a breakdown, but this time is especially important if you plan to stay friends or keep a relationship. McBain explained the importance of grieving and understanding that a breakup is a loss, even if you were the one to make the call. "It's not only a loss of how you hoped things would turn out in the present, it's besides a loss of future hopes and dreams attached to this relationship equally well," McBain said.

Taking time for yourself doesn't accept to exist a month of confront masks and spa visits and Netflix movie nights in. McBain suggested seeing a therapist or discussing the grief of this human relationship through therapy. She said it could be a great identify to grieve as well as process what went incorrect and what went right with that relationship then y'all don't make the same mistakes in the future.

Understand why you lot need boundaries

If you retrieve yous and your ex don't need to set boundaries, and then you and I have a lot in common, and one of those things is that we're incorrect. Setting boundaries is important for whatsoever relationship, especially one that'due south just ended. "Establishing healthy boundaries with an ex give you both space to grieve the loss of the relationship early, but also gives both of you space so that y'all tin too move forward and commencement to date other people (when you're set to do so)," McBain said.

Boundaries are at that place to assistance the two of you navigate the breakup and whatever remaining relationship you want to have. Are you notwithstanding going to talk? How oftentimes will y'all text or call each other? Will yous follow each other on social media? How volition yous navigate being together in social settings or hanging out with mutual friends? Will you unfriend/unfollow their family or friends on social media? There are dozens of situations that volition modify afterwards a breakdown, and while information technology may seem awkward, setting expectations of how you both will act volition brand information technology much easier in the long-run.

Talk to them

When the fourth dimension feels correct, you should be able to talk to your ex about the boundaries you want to set, and they should exist able to discuss information technology with you as well. Your opinions and ideas might differ, and that'due south OK. Focus on compromising in a style that is beneficial, easy, and works for the both of you lot. Co-ordinate to McBain, this conversation should be "open and honest."

Block them if yous need to

If seeing your ex on Instagram or noticing that they watched your stories is causing y'all stress, it'southward OK to cake them from your story or block their business relationship altogether. Focus on your mental wellness here instead of worrying that blocking them will cause a riff in your relationship. According to McBain, if the other person isn't respecting the boundaries that yous're setting, blocking them and taking more than time for yourself might be a practiced next pace.

However, she also suggests paying attention to your intentions. If you're blocking them to bear witness them upward or exist piddling (guilty!), that'south a different situation. Too, if you're just planning to temporarily block them, pay attention and set a timeline of when you'll unblock and reevaluate your social media relationship. Don't exist agape to talk to them about this. They should be understanding that having them equally a friend or following them on social media can be triggering to you and that it's about your mental well-existence.